Baby Daddy 13: Soup Tasters

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, had to get that off my chest. And no, I'm not sorry. On a side note, I do need to get something off my chest. If you don't know, then you should know, that when I say "Fuck you", I don't actually mean "fuck you". I mean, I do....but not in the fucked up, personal way. And if anyone has read my profile, I have given a disclaimer that I will likely say something fucked up. It will likely be with the intention of humor, or potentially a dry satire. In some cases, it may be a fucked up, satirical humor. BUT!! I say this to make sure that everyone is clear. If I have a real problem with someone, or something, I will make it clear. I will straight up cut a bitch. That's a lie. Well not the "make it clear" part, but the "cut a bitch" part. Unless that bitch is chicken. I will cut and eat chicken like it is going out of season. But I digress....

And now I get to the heart of the story....

It should be noted that my wife was talking to my in-laws, recently. Now I need say that I realize all families are crazy. It doesn't matter who it is, there is always someone nuts as shit in the family. Typically, it will be a direct line. Parents, Grandparents, Great Grandparents, and Shitty Grandparents. Well I have discovered that, while my folks are a bit nuts, my wife's parents are too.

My father-in-law is old-school Chinese. If you have ever seen a movie about Ancient China, he would have been one of the generals. You know the one. He'd be sitting in the big ass hall, with nothing around him except a mirror. Why a mirror? So he could see the person wanting to stab him in the back. The man is hardcore. If you haven't heard of Cao-Cao (Ruler of the Wei Kingdom), look him up. That is how my father-in-law is.

With that said, he has changed considerable for the sake of our son, his grandson. Now, instead of worrying of my wife's job, education, etc, my father-in-law tells her to eat, rest, and take care of the baby. Bear in mind that the baby is not yet born. And why is that important to note? Because the man has grow paranoid. My wife and I have several friends that are single, dating, married, etc, without children. And we hang out with these friends because we are not assholes. Or if we are, they are too. And after all, who doesn't like a party full of assholes? That sounds like the basis of a terrible movie or TV show. But I digress...

Because we have so many friends without children, my father-in-law is worried that they will grow jealous that my wife is having his grandson. As a result, he has told my wife to never take the first sip of soup. Yes, that's right. My father-in-law is so suspicious of other people, that he believes our friends may try to secretly poison my wife and kill our child. He literally told her to watch everyone else, and make sure they each drink the soup and survive, and that her bowl is poured from the same pot as everyone else, before she takes a sip.

Now if he had said it once, I would have thought it was a humorous little word of caution. I would be wrong. He has repeated this to my wife several times. My father-in-law legitimately wants my wife to have a soup taster. For those unfamiliar, a soup taster is the person that royalty would hire to taste the food. If the taster didn't die, then the food was not poisoned and the royalty would consume it. That's one of those jobs that you really want to have, unless you work for an asshole king. In those cases, you are better off faking the bite and hoping the dick dies.

Moral of the Story: My father-in-law is super paranoid over our child's health, and I have started eating the first bite of all my wife's food. Except for seafood and pork. Because Kosher. Also, it is very hard to find adequate pictures today.