My kid is such a fucking bad-ass. The kid isn't even born yet, and he has seen ZZ Top. How sweet is that? For those wondering, yes. ZZ Top is a great concert. It is exactly what you would expect it to be. They came out, played their songs, and left. They talked a total of twice. I just hope the great musicians live long enough for my kids to see them all.
Now I know what some of you are wondering. "What's with the title?" Well, I'll tell you. The other night, my wife and I were laying in bed, trying to sleep. Now I don't know why, but she started discussing Chinese commercials in her hometown. As it turns out, China does not allow for condom commercials. Why would a country that has issues with overpopulation not show birth control commercials? Because they think it would advocate for young people to start having the sex.
Now, I can understand that to a certain degree (not really), but then my wife told me this other tidbit of information. China has a shit-tonne of abortion commercials. That's right. They have a commercial where the voice-over person say, "What did you do in the last five minutes?" Then one person says, "I ate some lunch." Another says, "I checked my social media." Then a third says, "I had an abortion!" Another commercial shows a teenage girl saying that she is a week late in her cycle. Some forest creature (a butterfly?) comes to tell the girl that it means she's going to have a baby. The girl then says, "I don't want one of those..." Cue voice-over guy, saying that now she doesn't need to have one!
Not only that, but evidently there are different flavors of abortion in China? My wife was talking about how they advertise for "The Dream" abortion. They also have the "Zero Pain" abortion, the "Zero Scar" abortion, the "Mild Discomfort" abortion, and one or two others. Now, the fact that these are not all lumped together makes me curious. Who goes in and says, "Yes I'll take the 'Dream' abortion. I don't care if it hurts or not, I just want to get see a unicorn while I sleep." And who would not want the "Zero Pain" abortion? It seems like they're saying, "Hey, if you have money, you can have a great experience. If not, then it's going to hurt and you are going to be scarred to shit."
My wife was then talking about how they have designer abortions. Can you imagine a fashion designer coming in? "Okay, lets take a look. Well based on the shape of your lady-parts, and the fact that you're a goddamn skeleton from not eating (good job, by the way), I think you need a Size 2 abortion. Don't worry, all the stars are getting them." The funny (sad) part is that the Chinese woman would probably hear "Size 2" and add another eating disorder. Because China. And because fucked up body image standards.
Now I know what you are wondering. Why the shit is this a Baby Daddy story? Well if you weren't paying attention, I started by discussing how kick-ass my son is. And then I was sharing a story that is pseudo-related to my son, in that we did not opt for a designer abortion (or any other, for that matter). And so there you have it.
Moral of the Story: My son is a bad-ass and China has the Baskin Robbins of Abortions (31 flavors). And now I want ice cream. That's a lie. I never want ice cream again. You're welcome.
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