Did I Nick Your Eye?

I said it, and I meant it. I am going to share all of the stories. And how am I going to start? By sharing my experiences in Krav Maga. In particular, I want to discuss the fact that I love it. And not only do I love it, but Ahmed loves it. That's right; my Arab friend, Ahmed, likes learning Israeli combat techniques. With the start of November, Krav classes moved to a new night and a new location. Where, you may ask? To a big fucking Baptist church. It should also be noted that this big-ass church is located on one of the most dangerous roads in the area. Imagine an interstate, without the concrete barriers between traffic direction. Then imagine having to turn left, against traffic, to get into a dimly lit driveway, so that you can then find the back of a mall-sized church.

When I first went there, I thought I was going to die. I turned against traffic, and my car had zero power at the time. Do you know how shitty that would have been? Headlines: "Jew Killed Trying to Go to Church". What...the...shit....? Though I will say, I think it is funny that a Jew and an Arab meet at a church to learn Israeli combat from a devout Christian. There is a punchline in there, somewhere. (Hint: There in a pun in the word punchline. It's a pun-chline.).

Now the best part about these Krav sessions is that Ahmed has been joining. What is that better? Because he makes it real. The first time he showed up, we were training with weapon defense. In particular, we were training how to fight someone who has a bat (baseball, not mammal). For those who don't know, you want to either get out of the way or rush in. If you rush in close and block their hands. The idea is that if you stop them at their hands, you don't suffer as much pain as trying to stop the tip of a bat. You can read up on the physics of it at home. Do it. Right now. Did it? Liar. That's okay. After you rush in and stop the bat swinging, you can knee/elbow/punch/gouge/etc to destroy the attacker.

Now when it came time for actual training, we had to partner up. Of course, Ahmed and I chose to partner, and we had a plastic whiffle-ball bat. Most partners trained very slow. One would slowly swing, and then stop at the point that their partner was supposed to rush in and attack/defend. Ahmed and I took a different approach.

We tried to knock the living shit out of each other. I mean, we swung the shit out of the bat. He hit me in the leg once, and it left a sizable welt. I clipped him in the knee, and Ahmed was hobbling. Here's a video that shows how we swung the bat. Keep in mind that the person with the bat was advancing on the defender.

It was real enough that other people stopped training to watch us fight. At one point, someone asked if we were good, or if we had actually pissed each other off.

Fast forward to this past week. This week, we discussed throws. In particular, we looked at how to execute various throws and take-downs. As it turns out, when you go for a tackle, or any other leg-take down, you need to make sure you keep your head tucked. Why? Because Ahmed tackled me. Yes, this was a drill. No, I was not supposed to block it. Unfortunately, my body thought different. As Ahmed tackled me, I lifted my arms. As I lifted my arms, I inadvertently hooked Ahmed's eyelid. I was hoping it was his nose or cheek, since that would have seemed less painful, but he had a very bloodshot eye after that. Another time, I may have accidentally kneed Ahmed in the testicles. He did the same to me, of course, but I was the only one wearing a cup.

Moral of the Story: Training Krav Maga with Ahmed makes it real, and Ahmed really needs to buy a cup.