What the Shit, China? 3: Pollution Solutions

I want to start by bragging about my wife. I know you all think that your loved ones are the best in the world. And for you, they may be. With that said, fuck you, my wife is awesome!! As you know, my wife is from China. She is also something of a celebrity. When she posts a joke, picture, or story, it is viewed several hundred thousand times. That is ridiculous, considering she often posts when the majority of Chinese people are not awake. If she posts when they are awake, she gets closer to one million views.

Now on the one hand, it is hard to write a blog when your wife is that damn good at it. I am proud if I get 5-6 views in a day. She gets depressed if she gets less than 100,000 views on a post. Period. With that said, I think I can safely say that my viewership is far more diverse. Russia is still eating my shit up. I also got France, Germany, Spain, etc. Evidently I got views from Angola, India, Mexico, and Poland this week. I don't even know where the fuck Angola is. Seriously. Where the fuck is Angola? Someone send me a map with it highlighted. On a semi-related note, there is a music video of Sean Paul, where they put subtitles based on what it sounds like he says. Angola had a great showing in that video.

But I digress. I lied. I still want to talk about the countries that read my shit. I have a lot of Russians reading my blog. I don't know who owns "boomaga.ru", or why my blog is associated with paper, but thanks Russia! I also have to say that there is a lot of negativity in the US, considering Russia hacked our shit to alter the elections. As a result, I want to make an announcement. If you are reading my shit, hoping to somehow gain political advantage, you are will be sorely disappointed. I don't have shit to do with politics, and I don't have shit that can help with political leverage. I say "fuck" too much to be a politician.

But now I do digress. Back to why my wife is AMAZING! Last week, my wife was talking to me about Beijing, and the fact that they get all of their air pollution for Hebei Province. Evidently Hebei is industrial as fuck, and doesn't control their shit. Wind then blows the air into Beijing. When my wife read that Beijing hired scientists to figure out a way to limit the pollution, she wrote a funny story about engineers. She said that, rather than using science, an engineer would take fans and blow the pollution back into Hebei Province. Because my wife likes a good laugh, she imagined that Hebei Province would then put a combative fan against Beijing, and the pollution would shoot straight into the sky. Then they could hook a hose up to a fire hydrant, and spray the air. That would bring the pollution to the ground, contaminating water with runoff. She then finished the story by sending it to a water treatment facility, or just poisoning the people. Because overpopulation.

Now one, it is funnier when my wife tells the story. Two, Beijing announced yesterday that they are going to strategically place five fans to blow the air back into Hebei Province. That's right. My wife gave a solution, making fun of the government and their wasted investment, and the government then agreed with her solution. I mean, she is listed as one of the top ten most influential environmental experts on Chinese social media, but goddamn is that cool! My wife was roasting the shit out of flawed government investment, and they fucking listened to her. This is proof that Chinese government doesn't understand the concept of a joke. Because Communism.

Seriously, this was my wife's idea

Moral of the Story: The Chinese government doesn't understand humor, and my wife is an unofficial environmental consultant for Beijing.