Baby Daddy 24: The Not-So-Little Mermaid

I know....I know...I haven't updated this blog lately. What makes it worse? I have been sitting on a story for over a week. Why didn't I post it right away? Because I didn't. Suck it. Anyway, I have stories now. The other day, my wife and I were discussing Disney movies. In particular, we were discussing the Little Mermaid.

Now as you may know, there is a popular debate about mer-people. In particular, the debate stems around reproduction. How do mermaids procreate? If they procreate like people, then they would need to have fish bodies on top and human bodies on bottom. If they had human bodies on top, as Disney portrays, then it begs the question: "How do mermaids procreate?"

Well, ask no more! My wife and I figured it out. Mermaids procreate the same way fish do. Females float their eggs in the water, and males float their seed. This makes sense. It also changes the dynamics of the Little Mermaid, entirely. Talk about no privacy. My wife then discussed with me the fact that literally any fish could interrupt the Little Mermaid while she was being "intimate". Could you imagine that? You're the Little Mermaid, you are ready to procreate, you are getting hot-and-heavy with your merman, and suddenly you look over to see a mackerel or cod just seeding away.

(I don't know what fish this is, but he's a pervert.)

What do you say to that? I mean, it could become a forced (or at least un-willful) impregnation. Would it be considered rape? Who do you even call for that? Coast Guard? You could call Aquaman, but he sucks.

Of course, as my wife and I discussed this - and discussed the now vulgar nature of the Little Mermaid - I suddenly remembered that my folks bought the DVD for our future son. G-d help us if our kids decide to ask how mermaids are born.

Moral of the Story: My wife and I know how mer-people procreate, and fish are perverts. Also, I will never view the Little Mermaid the same way again.