Holy hormones, Batman! So for those who don't know, I'm going to be a Baby Daddy. And if you didn't know, then where the fuck have you been? This is literally my 26th post about becoming a Baby Daddy. What's more, I have nearly the same number of posts as my wife is weeks preggers. That's a lie. She's in her 33rd week. And do you know what I learned? That the last several weeks are going to be a revenge of the first trimester.
Case and point: hormones. I remembered my wife's hormone shifts during the first trimester. If you didn't already read about it, go back and follow this pregnancy journey from the start. You'll know about the hormones, because of the hotel kitten. Now that the child is getting closer, however, the mood swings are taking a new face.
Enter last night. For the past day or so, my wife's mood swings have been fucking intense. If I didn't know better, I would have thought we were in the 1920's. Yes, that's a reference to Swing music. Fuck you, I'm tired and trying to make a reference that relates to extreme swinging. The other reference would have been a bit too "adult".
Yesterday, I got home from work, and I saw my wife on the couch. We started talking for a while, and everything was great, until something happened and she thought about the risks of giving birth. I don't know who the fuck wrote about dying during child birth, but they are a goddamn asshole. One, how the fuck can you write about dying, if you were the one who gave birth? And for everyone saying, "They could have been revived...", no. No they could not. Why? Because the fucking story ended with the mother dying. How do I know? Because my wife was sobbing. She then said that 80% of women died giving birth, during the 1800's. What's more, she started imagining what my life would be like with her gone. My wife, assuming she would die during child birth, imagined a world where I remarried a woman that beat our children.
Now let's pause for a moment. Just let the situation soak itself in. My wife has tears streaming down her face. Her nose is running. She's worried about this hypothetical situation. And she's squeezing her cat enough that he is gasping/meowing for air.
I talked to my wife and said that there were issues with her hypothetical situation. First of all, it's 2017. We literally have over 100 years of progress in the medical field. Two, I would never tolerate someone striking our kids. I don't even believe in spankings. There are so many more creative methods for instilling discipline. Three,
this is not the 1800's! Keep in mind that I did not yell this. I am not that dumb. I was just emphatic.
She let out a chuckle, before crying and saying that she could still die during childbirth. She then referenced
Game of Thrones, and how Jon Snow's mother died. Again, let's take a moment to appreciate this situation. First, I just dropped a small spoiler. Second, I am about to drop a couple of other spoilers. Fuck you, they are not important to the story. At least the details I am about to share are not.
I told my wife that she still did not have anything to worry about. One, she won't be giving birth in a castle. Two, she won't be giving birth under armed guard. Three, we no longer live in a time of dragons. My wife then referenced the fact that if she died during birth, our son would be like Jon Snow and know nothing. I then told my wife that can't happen, because look at our son's mother. He must clearly know something, with such a brilliant mom. She then turned to me and said, "But look at his father." Next thing I know, she's smiling and we are on our way to hang out with some friends.
Moral of the Story: Hormones are fucking insane. Also, we do not live in the 1800's, or the time of dragons.
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