Holy shit has it been too long!! Between holidays, work, and all the other stuff that goes on in life, I just could not find the time to write! That's okay though, because I have some stories!
Now for those who don't know (I'm looking at you, gentiles!), Chanukah ran from Christmas Eve through New Years Eve. Now we had a wonderful Chanukah. We spent several nights with my folks, and we even hosted a Chanukah party. I'll tell you what was an issue, though: candles. Friday night, the seventh night of Chanukah, we ran out of candles. Now living in the region that we do, Chanukah candles are a fucking treasure. I called every grocery store, arts and crafts store, Target, and Walmart, hunting for some goddamn candles. And every time I asked, they said that Christmas ended a week ago and their shit was on clearance.
Now let's just take a moment to appreciate this. I recognize that I have a shit-tonne of privilege. I am a blond hair, blue-eyed, white male in the Untied States. All I need is another 30 years and a cross, and I will be the definition of privilege in America. BUT! Even with the privilege I have, I do not have that cross. I know I don't have to worry about the cops trying to kill me for a speeding ticket, or checking for immigration papers because I "talk funny", but I do end up having issues with privilege in America. The privilege I face? Jesus.
That's right, I said it. You don't see me bitching and moaning about having to take off work on the High Holy Days, Pesach, or any other religious holiday. Why? Because none of my employers want the inherent lawsuit that comes with that type of discrimination. But some people do have those issues. And then the Christians bring up their stupid fucking war on Christmas. You know what? I saw goddamn Christmas decorations in the store on November 1st. Do you know what people should be worried about? The war on fucking Thanksgiving. Stick a fork in it, because that turkey is fucking roasted.
But I digress. No I don't. Just because everyone celebrated Jesus's birthday was not a goddamn excuse to put all the Chanukah shit on clearance. Don't get me wrong, I love a great deal. They had some shit for dirt cheap. To be fair, I am probably one of the only people who would actually buy that shit. But you know what the stores did not have? My goddamn candles. They had a "Make Your Own Menorah", candles not included. What the shit, Jews? I know we like to make money, but seriously?!
(Check the small print under the menorah. Assholes. Not you, them.)
As it was, I ended up having to buy birthday candles. Why? Because I needed candles for a menorah and those were the best I could find. Do you have any idea how awkward it is to say a prayer of the candles, praising G-d for commanding us to kindle the birthday lights of redemption and hope? I didn't know whether to say the blessings, or to sing happy birthday.
"Happy birthday, to you!
Happy birthday, to you!
The temple was destroyed thousands of years ago,
and nobody here has candles for the Jew."
Moral of the Story: My folks brought us some candles the next day, and I have enough birthday candles to last for a year.
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