Baby Daddy 35: Ariana Grande

Yes, it has taken me a while to post. Fuck you, I'm tired. Why does that matter? Because I can never remember what the shit I want to talk about. With that said, I do want to talk about my son and Ariana Grande. No, my son doesn't listen to Ariana Grande. With that said, I had an epiphany last week, around 2:34 AM, as I was trying to get my son to sleep. You see, he was having a terribly fussy day and night. We think he has been having a growth spurt. And as a result, he was only happy when he was being rocked or otherwise moving. That is when I realized that her song, "Side to Side" is about having a child. Let me show you. I'll put the lyrics, and then put the meaning in red.

I've been here all night (Ariana)
(This child is fussy and I haven't slept, yet)
I've been here all day (Nicki Minaj)
(It's 2:34 AM and I seriously haven't slept since yesterday.)
And boy, got me walkin' side to side
(That seems to be the only way to get my son to quit his bitchin')
(Let them hoes know)
(This is what you have to look forward to, if you don't use protection)

I'm talkin' to ya

(Listen, child)

See you standing over there with your body

(You are drooling and have hiccups)

Feeling like I wanna rock with your body

(It is literally the only thing I have the energy to do)

And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin' ('Bout nothin')

(Please dear G-d, nobody make a sound)

I'm comin' at ya

(I just picked you up, and you are heavy)

'Cause I know you got a bad reputation

(For being fussy, and spitting your pacifier on the floor)

Doesn't matter, 'cause you give me temptation

(To choke my child)

And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin' ('Bout nothin')

(I'm too tired to think...or use words.)

These friends keep talkin' way too much

(About how they're all happy and drunk and shit)

Say I should give you up

(For adoption. I should give you up for adoption.)

Can't hear them no, 'cause I

(I can't hear people talk because you keep screaming)

I've been here all night

(This child is fussy and I haven't slept, yet)

I've been here all day

(It's 2:34 AM and I seriously haven't slept since yesterday.)

And boy, got me walkin' side to side

(That seems to be the only way to get my son to quit his bitchin')

I've been here all night

(This child is fussy and I haven't slept, yet)

I'be been here all day

(It's 2:34 AM and I seriously haven't slept since yesterday.)

And boy, got me walkin' side to side (Side to side)
(That seems to be the only way to get my son to quit his bitchin')

Been tryna hide it

(I'm so tired that I am using meth to keep awake at work)

Baby what's it gonna hurt if they don't know? 

(That I dropped you)

Makin' everybody think that we solo

(I'mma trap someone into taking baby-sitting)

Just as long as you know you got me (You got me)

(I'l come back, once you're 18 years old)

And boy I got ya

(I just picked you up, but I through out my back)

'Cause tonight I'm making deals with the devil

(I'd sell my soul for a solid 30-minute nap)

And I know it's gonna get me in trouble

(Souls aren't important, right?)

Just as long as you know you got me

 (I had to switch arms because my hips are out of place)

These friends keep talkin' way too much

(About how they're all happy and drunk and shit)

Say I should give you up

(For adoption. I should give you up for adoption.)

Can't hear them no, 'cause I

(I can't hear people talk because you keep screaming)

I've been here all night

(This child is fussy and I haven't slept, yet)

I've been here all day

(It's 2:34 AM and I seriously haven't slept since yesterday.)

And boy, got me walkin' side to side

(That seems to be the only way to get my son to quit his bitchin')

I've been here all night

(This child is fussy and I haven't slept, yet)

(Been here all night baby)

(Please sleep)

I've been here all day

(It's 2:34 AM and I seriously haven't slept since yesterday.)

(Been here all day baby)
(Please sleep)
And boy, got me walkin' side to side (Side to side)
(That seems to be the only way to get my son to quit his bitchin')

This the new style with the fresh type of flow
(That's a new smell from your diaper)

Wrist icicle, ride dick bicycle
(You blew out both the front and back of that diaper)

Come true yo, get you this type of flow

(WHOAH THAT'S A SPECIAL SMELL!)

If you wanna menage I got a tricycle
(I've changed you three times in the same goddamn hour)

All these bitches, flows is my mini me
(You look like me)

Body smoking, so they call me young Nicki chimney
(You are very warm, and snuggling makes me sweaty.)

Rappers in they feelings cause they feelin' me
(I wrapped you in a blanket, and now you're also sweaty)

Uh, I-I give zero fucks and I got zero chill in me
(Seriously, I'm tired and goddamn it I am sweaty) 

Kissing me, copped the blue box that say Tiffany
(You're drooling, and I have a bruise from your kicking)

Curry with the shot, just tell 'em to call me Stephanie
(I'm sweaty, like I took a curry shot. Call me Stephanie) 

Gun pop and I make my gum pop
(I am so tired I want to die. Also, I choked on my gum.) 

I'm the queen of rap, young Ariana run pop
(I am great at changing diapers. I call your poo-poo Ariana)

These friends keep talkin' way too much
(About how they're all happy and drunk and shit)

Say I should give you up

(For adoption. I should give you up for adoption.)

Can't hear them no, 'cause I

(I can't hear people talk because you keep screaming)

I've been here all night

(This child is fussy and I haven't slept, yet)

I've been here all day

(It's 2:34 AM and I seriously haven't slept since yesterday.)

And boy, got me walkin' side to side

(That seems to be the only way to get my son to quit his bitchin')

I've been here all night

(This child is fussy and I haven't slept, yet)

(Been here all night baby)

(Please sleep)

I've been here all day

(It's 2:34 AM and I seriously haven't slept since yesterday.)

(Been here all day baby)
(Please sleep)
And boy, got me walkin' side to side (Side to side)
(That seems to be the only way to get my son to quit his bitchin')

This the new style with the fresh type of flow
(That's a new smell from your diaper)

Wrist icicle, ride dick bicycle
(You blew out both the front and back of that diaper)

Come true yo, get you this type of flow

(WHOAH THAT'S A SPECIAL SMELL!)

If you wanna menage I got a tricycle
(I've changed you three times in the same goddamn hour)

____________________________________

Moral of the Story: I need to sleep. Also, I've never seen the music video for the song.