Well son of a bitch. It has been a whole month since I last posted. You know what fucks me up? The fact that I have mentioned to my wife that I
need to post so many stories! What has happened in the last month? Well, let's see. I registered for the Professional Engineering exam. I look forward to
not hearing everyone else panic over that. Nothing inspires confidence like hearing, "Congratulations. That exam's a bitch."
(No, I am not taking the Florida Mechanical PE exam, but still. This.)
Our Education and College Planning company took off BIG. I mean, our goal was to crush the competition, and we may be on the verge of doing so. As part of that, we made my personal training services official. They already were, of course, but now I'm charging people money. My wife is kicking ass and taking names. And my son is continuing to wage war on his brothers and sisters. Yes, he's an only child (for now). And yes, I can confirm that not all enlarged genitals are cancer related. Sometimes it is just your child using them for soccer practice. Pele!
(You thought that was Pele, but it is actually my son, going out of his way to kick my testicles)
On a related note, we finally identified why our son's poop face is so familiar. When our son decides to poo, he looks exactly like Ted Cruz. You hear: *grunting* "nhnhnhhh" *grunting* "nhnhnhh" *grunting* "nhnhnhh" and then you see Ted Cruz. And then you smell the unholy death that came out of my son's ass, and you wish that someone would have just sent you anthrax instead. On a side note, there is a Babies R Us that we can never go back to. In as long as it took for me to write a new story, it has taken an equal amount of time for my son to properly evacuate his bowels. And boy, he went for it on this one. You want to silence North Korea? Send my son's diaper to them. Forget 'bathing in fire'. They can wade through that diaper.
On a separate note, I have been working hard to unfuck my head. With all the shit going on at work, the PE exam, the companies taking off, and having a family, I do not have any time for negative bullshit. It is so bad that I listen to motivational speeches on Spotify. I also decided to buy books on
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and
Fuck Feelings. My family bought me a book called,
How to Not Be a Dick. I suspect they are trying to send a message, but I cannot be sure.....hmmmm......
And on that note, I am done with my current update. My goal is to start writing more. If nothing else, I need to keep Russia happy. They lit my shit up 45 times in one goddamn day. I would love to go back and correlate the blog hits from Russia, and the news stories going on. Something tells me that they hit my shit up around the time that the Russian Embassy decided to burn their records. And yes, Russia, we know that's what you were doing. Not sure if you are trying to protect the Donald, or cover your own asses, but we know that's what it was. That is, unless you have a better excuse for denying firefighters, when
the building is billowing smoke. C'mon son.
Moral of the Story: I'm back (hopefully). Also, I am going to post a lot of short stories, until I find time for longer ones. Also, I will never look at Ted Cruz the same way again.
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