Motherfucking China 2: Culture Shock

So I have some stories that are longer and some that are shorter. I am saving the final, more serious story for the end. Why? Because good movies often end on a serious note. But fuck that. I like to add humor. Anyway, when I woke up in Xi'an, I realized that China is NOTHING like what I thought.

First of all, China is industrialized and modern. Yes, the poor areas are broke as fuck. I mean, they are "Hey, this building has partially collapsed, but I was able to move my shit to the other corner, so now I have a third wall, because there were only two before" poor. At the same time, the industrial and modern (read: not broke) parts of China are fucking AMAZING! Like, the broke-ass areas look like Communism in the 80's, which is what I expected. The areas with money, however, really show where the US is lacking.

There were small things that made all the difference. China had traffic lights that showed the timer for each light. Nobody ran the traffic signal, because everyone knew if they had 17 seconds, or 1 second, before the light changed. There was also public access to bikes. You scan a bar-code with your phone, it unlocks the bike, and you can ride wherever you want to go. And with the traffic congestion, you are not likely to get hit by a driver. You may get honked at, but not hit. I will discuss driving in a later post.

This brings me to another part. China has everything set up so you can pay with your phone. I have seen the US moving toward this, but China is already there. You open up WeChat. You can then provide a barcode, or scan a barcode. And through that, you pay for EVERYTHING! Literally. Except for subway tickets, you can get anything with that app. The US is moving that direction, but China has already set it up and consolidated it.

In Xi'an, they also have the Golden Shower Hotel. I know it is not meant to be dirty, but goddamn. I saw that and suddenly realized that Donald Trump must have stayed there. BAM! Political roast. I also saw a park named after Chechnya. My wife pointed it out, and I could not help but laugh. I mean, seriously? Let's name a park after one of the shittiest, most depressing places in the world. I will blame Communism for that one, too.

Because there are no firearms allowed in the general public, the cops are woefully under prepared. They have riot shields, an a long pole with a curved rod at the end. The rod is so that they can pin assailants against the wall. Then some have an added stick, so that they can bop the assailants on the head. Of course, the cops are also very nice. One night, my wife and I were drinking with her friends. We got a bit loud, and the police were called. They came over, and apologized for having to disrupt the party. I mean, seriously? I don't think Canadian police are that apologetic and non-confrontational.

The other part is that WiFi is everywhere in China. We went to an ancient palace, with a tree that was 300 years old. On the side, there was a sign for WiFi. Who knew their network was that fucking old? When we went to see the Terracotta Soldiers, we also noticed that China has some fucked up signs. There was an inner city, and outer city. Both had a map indicating, "You Are Here". Except the marker was not on the map. Literally, in the entire map, we were located under the text discussing each city.

There is a lot more to be shared, but it is starting to get into specific details. This is an overview, as we get ready for the more detailed stories.

Moral of the Story: I expected to see an 80's or 90's era Communist country, and I was wrong. China has us beat. Also, I wish the US was consolidated into a singular payment method like WeChat. Also, I like the humor of referencing Trump and the Golden Shower Hotel. Suck it, Donnie.