Motherfucking China 3: Starbucks (Part 1)

BAM! I told you I would have more stories!! So if you recall, I mentioned the fact that I was ignorant to what I could expect to see in China. Part of that ignorance was a fear that I would not have any coffee. Now first, my name is Big Papa Z and I have a coffee addiction. Second, you can go fuck yourself with that whole "acknowledging you have a problem is the first step..." bullshit. I have a coffee problem and I LIKE IT! But I digress....

When I went to China, I was afraid that they would not have any coffee. HOLY SHIT WAS I WRONG!!! My coffee experience in China was fucking AMAZING! And what gave me this tremendous experience? Motherfucking Starbucks. Now I know what a lot of you are thinking. "Why would you get Starbucks coffee, when you can get that in the U.S.?" Well fuck you, no you can't! Starbucks in China is fucking GREAT!

Did you know that their sugary bullshit drinks are not half as sweet as any of ours? Of course you did, because you know that the U.S. pounds sugar like a coke addict snorts coke. I had a "Golden Walnut Cookie Latte". I was able to taste every single part of the title, and I did NOT have the sugar rush that I expected. It was phenomenal! The only thing that beat the drink? Two word: Nitro. Brew.

Yes, that's right. They had a nitro-tap for their coffee. If you have never had a nitro brew of anything, you need to educate yourself, and elevate yourself. I had only ever had a nitro-brew in the form of beer. I always loved it because the head would cascade, like a waterfall. Little did I know that they could do that with coffee. They poured that beautiful sumbitch up and I damn-near cried. Not only was it beautiful to watch, it was beautiful to taste. The nitro served to mellow the flavor, adding an almost creamy component to it. Suddenly, that coffee developed a similar flavor and texture profile to a Guinness. I must have given half my money to that Starbucks.

It should be noted that there were several other experiences to note, in the pursuit of good coffee. Starbucks in China developed a hierarchy. I didn't know that was a thing, but China believes in hierarchies and advancement. As a result, you had two different colors of shirt or apron. The peons had one color, and could only take orders or clean shit. The higher-ups had a different color, and were allowed to actually grind and prepare the coffee drinks. I don't know if that is the same in the U.S., but I thought it was interesting in China.

Moral of the Story: China Starbucks is kicking U.S. Starbucks ass in the coffee game. Tune in for Part 2, where I share more (funnier) China Starbucks experiences.

(I want to visit here)