Motherfucking China 3: Starbucks (Part 4)

This is the last of the Starbucks stories. With that said, DJ Khaled....

 

So I have shared about the best Starbucks coffee. I have shared about my wife and her friend. I have shared about possibly taking 10 years off the lives of patrons behind me in line. This is the last story, and it may be relatively short.

When I went to my first China Starbucks, I was also looking for something to eat. 'Lo and behold, I saw something that I could not wait to try: a "Mexican Turkey Tortilla". Yes, I was in China, and I had found a Mexican dish. I could not wait to give it a try. I was leery, but hopeful to see the Chinese take on Mexican food.

I ordered the dish, took it to the table, and readied myself. Now, I should have known better than to get my hopes up. First of all, China doesn't have Mexicans. Second of all, China is racist as shit. Now the racism has literally nothing to do with this story, but it is still noteworthy.

No, I should have been worried when the salsa looked like tomato sauce, and the cheese looked like mozzarella. And indeed, that's what they were. In fact, there was also a distinct taste of basil and oregano. And the tortilla was crispy and flat. Does this sound familiar? Because it should. It was a motherfucking PIZZA! Yes, that's right. Everything that China labels as "Mexican" food has a flavor profile for Italian food.

Now to be fair, the pizza was delicious. At the same time, it was pizza. I mean, surely someone, somewhere in China, traveled to a country with Mexican food, ate said Mexican food, and then returned to China. And how can they not replicate the flavor?! Chili powder and cumin. Those two flavors alone are closer than any of the "Mexican" foods that I tried in China.

Moral of the Story: I don't know who I am more pissed at. China, for thinking that Mexican food tastes like Italian, or America for not having pizza at Starbucks.