Motherfucking China 4: The Cat Cafe

I'm BACK! I know I had more stories to share, but I fucking dumped on my experience at Starbucks. But let me tell you, that was not my only experience with coffee. Oh no, I had another. Be ready. And so.....

Let me tell you about Valentine's day. It was awesome! My wife and I rode a tandem bike around the Xi'an City Wall. After we finished, we started walking along one of the business districts. As we were walking, we noticed a store front with five cats on the front.

Now, if country-western movies have taught me nothing, it is that a sign with cats on the front is a whore house. When my wife said, "Hey, let's go in", I was considerably surprised. As it turns out, the place was a Cat Cafe. No, not the naughty cat, but a legitimate cat cafe. I will say, I had heard that these existed. I did not, however, expect to see one in China. We go in, and it is a quaint little area. Now before you ask, no. Cat was not served for food. On the contrary, the cats were just roaming around.

As for the cafe, itself, I loved it. it was the first time I ever went to a coffee shop that had liquor. My wife ordered a mojito that beat the pants off of half the U.S. bars I have gone to. I ordered an espresso with Irish Cream. Why? Because it's delicious and I was on a major caffeine and alcohol bender. And for anyone who says, "the caffeine and alcohol are conflicting stimulants and depressants" can go fuck themselves. The drinks, though tasty, are not the reason for the story.

No, the story is about the fucking Cat Cafe. In the back of the menu, after your ordered your drink of choice, they showed the pictures of the cats. As it turns out, you actually could request a cat. The owners would then bring that cat out, so that it could sit on your lap. So I guess, in a way, it was a whore house. It was just a different type of pussy.  One that is far more resentful of people.....I assume....

Anyway, I thought it was only appropriate that I share the menu and the immediate caption that popped into my head:

"It's My First Time"

"I'm Nervous, But Excited"

"Paint Me Like One Of Your French Girls"

"Fucking Amateurs"

"Where Am I? Don't Touch Me!

"We Charge Double"

Moral of the Story: My wife and I went to a Cat House in China for Valentin'es Day. The drinks were strong, the pussy (cats) were bitter, and the experience made me chuckle. Also, this is the first time that my wife and I have ever written the same story for our respective readers.