Motherfucking China 5: Russian News Stations

I know, I know, I know, I KNOW!  I haven't written much lately. It's weird. You would think I could just whip a story out on a whim. As it turns out, no. No I cannot. See, what comes across as a random-ass story, or what comes across as me free-stylin' (hip-hop lingo), is actually something I spend time on. As the founder of Fucktosynthesis, I regret to say that I actually do give a few fucks, with regard to my content. All because of YOU. The readers. Assholes....making me care and shit.....anyway.

I WAS IN CHINA! And while I was in China, I had a phenomenal awakening to Communist media. First of all, did you know they have their own network? I didn't. I was flipping through stations, when it suddenly went from Chinese Spring Festival shows to fucking Russian News. It was weird as shit. First of all, it damn near snapped me out of knowing any Chinese. I heard, "Да, спасибо" and damn near forgot what I was saying.

That alone was not bad. What was bad, however, was that Russian News is EXACTLY what you expect it to be. It was almost all military in nature. I mean, it makes sense, because that's how I expect it would work: 

"And now with weather, Boris. Boris?"

"Thank you Alekcie. Today sky is grey with chance of bomb."

There was a piece about fucking rockets, and another on tanks. Evidently, Russia has decided to invest in some black tanks, and one green one. Evidently they decided that they wanted to be able to show a little bit of dirt, and that their lives are not as grey as previously perceived. Also, literally EVERY SINGLE PERSON was named Alekcie. Why? I am honestly asking. "Why hello, Alex, I'll take Communism for 500, please."

Fortunately there was  one story that was different. This one showed soldier riding reindeer around a track. And by track, I mean the small-ass pin that the reindeer were normally kept in. It was like they saw, or rather heard, about the movie Reindeer Games, and said, "You see, we also have reindeer game. Look at reindeer. Ours has best antler. Very big horn."

I don't know what is worse: the fact that I saw all of this, or the fact that I literally just realized that the voice in my head poking fun at Russians is the same that imitates fucking Donald Trump. On a side note, fuck that guy for all of his bullshit. Fucking pawn. 

Moral of the Story: I have more stories coming, and Russia's reindeer games are on point. Also, good for them for getting new colors.