As you may or may not have known, my wife and I have a son. If you didn't know, I literally have almost 50 fucking stories about being a Baby Daddy. Where the shit have you been? That's not important. I mean, it may be. If you were somewhere really cool, you should share that shit, yo. But I digress. No, I am talking about having moved. IN December, my wife and I found the perfect house. It had a floor plan we liked, a neighborhood we liked, and was at a price we could afford. And what did we do? We moved.
Now why is this important? Because we are in SUCH a nice neighborhood. I mean, my first thought was "this is rich people's neighborhood". Now don't get me wrong, we are not rich. In fact, the only reason why this property was affordable is because we live in an area of the country that is relatively cheap as shit. With that said, holy fuck is the new place nice. I mean, we went from a neighborhood that had the neighbor kid selling dope, to one where the neighbors are old, retired, and driving Cadillac.
I am literally the most gangster person on our block. With a tattoo, scars, and love of training, I am certainly the most hardcore. That may not be true. After all, there are some middle school and high school kids on the block. I also do not put anything past old people. Some are mild mannered, but some are hard as fuck and terrifying. It's all fun and games until the little old lady does a keg stand and calls you a punk bitch. Remember that.
But what gives me intense joy right now? Mowing the lawn. Here's the reason why. Our neighborhood is set up so that everyone's mailbox is on the edge of their neighbors lawn. For us, it is easy to see the line. We have trees to mark the property. For the neighbor to our left, it is much harder. They have lawn near their mailbox, and that lawn runs into ours.
Why does this matter? Because this neighborhood actually give a damn about their lawn. The peple across the street mow every fucking week, and always stripe the shit out of the yard. For those that don't know, striping is when you put nice lines in the yard. It's used often in sports, and by people who give way to many fucks about grass.
Now here is where I have to laugh. I am the last one to mow our yard. I'm busy with work, companies, and a kiddo. It just takes a lot of work for me to make mowing a priority. And so, as a result, I always end up mowing after my neighbor to the left has let his go for a few days. Why does that matter? Because I cannot see the fucking property line. As a result, I end up mowing the entire fucking thing, including the part of the lawn that is on the neighbor's side. Keep in mind, this is a small little strip of grass.
The first time I did that, I started chuckling to myself. My wife asked why, and I said it was because of the neighbor. See, when I mowed that strip, it made that one piece look clean and the rest of their yard (the large yard on the other side of their driveway) look unkempt. As a result, it looked like they had a fucked up yard. It was gorgeous, of course, but not freshly mowed. Suddenly, I heard a noise outside.
I immediately started to bellow a laugh, as I looked out to see our neighbor start mowing his lawn. Not only did I indirectly force the man to mow, but he re-mowed the little section near his mailbox. I laughed even harder a week later, when his neighbor on the other side mowed, and made the guy's yard look unkempt again. Between the two of us, I think we can probably make that fella burn quite a bit of fuel. When I explained the humor to my wife, she calmly said, "You're a terrible person."
Moral of the Story: We have moved to a nice neighborhood, I'm relatively gangster, and I am an inadvertent dick to my neighbor. Oh, and I still don't know the property line for that yard.
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