Baby Daddy 55: The Re-Up (What's In A Name?)

YES!!! I mean....NO!!!!! I totally missed the month of April. To be honest, I am shocked that I even posted in March. What the fuck, 2020? We have had COVID-19, Australia burned the fuck down, Trump assassinated someone in Iran and nearly started WW3, crops in South America got fucked up by bugs. Oh yeah, and with COVID-19, everyone is trying to "restart" the economy. Because fuck human lives, right?

On a positive note, Turkmenistan has been hitting my blog a ton lately. You know it's a bad day when the Turks are like, "fuck it, let's read this bullshit." To be fair, they have a place that is literally called, "The Gates of Hell". Maybe they should have kept that shit closed, yeah?

But as fucked as all of that is, it is nothing compared to the news that I am about to share. We. Are. Having. A. Daughter.

That's right! We are having another child! And do you know what we are going to name her? Neither do we. Seriously. What do we name her?????

When it was our son, it took effort. We named him after two Chinese generals, a biblical general, the founder of modern genetics, and his first initial was an "X". He was bound to be born a disappointment, and instead was born as a conqueror. What do we name our daughter?

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of strong women out there. My big issue, however, is that I do not want to inadvertently name our daughter something that will lead her to being a dancer.....or rather, I don't want her to become an exotic dancer. Don't get me wrong, those girls are getting paid. I just want my daughter to get paid in a less promiscuous way.

Of course, how do you pick a name that is strong, unique, wholesome, and not fucked up? My buddy said to avoid Diamond or Khaleesi. I thought about Cinnamon, but that doesn't work. I mentioned "Cilantro", and my wife got angry. I thought about Diana, in honor of Diana Prince (Wonder Woman). Why not Diana? Because Princess Diana died in a car. My buddy said to avoid the name "Cherry" and I immediately thought about the song "Cherry Pie" and am still horrified.

So there you go. This is a short and sweet post, but I am hoping to add more.

Moral of the Story: Despite the world going to shite, my biggest issue is finding a name for my daughter. Jasmine? Nope. Too Disney and too rice.

That Can't Be Good (I'm Back)

I'm about to lose my mind, I've been gone for so long......

I need to apologize. It has been TOO FUCKING LONG since I have written anything. I have been thinking about it, and needing to do it, and now we are here. What happened??

Well, work took off. When you are hustling a company and you get the call to "go", you fucking go. You also go several months with little sleep. But that's okay. Why?

Because we are ALIVE! Yes, I said it! My family and I went to China in the start of 2020. That was a great time, until some asshole decided to sneeze. Next thing you know, stock in corona went to shit and I was quarantined to a hotel. You know it is bad when China, one of the most populated places in the world, looks like the South on a Sunday morning. For those not familiar, everyone in the South goes to church on Sunday and you finally get to drive without someone cutting you off, screaming profanity at you, and making you question whether that is WWJD (what would Jesus do)?

Of course, we got back safe and sound. I say that like it was no big deal, but we were on one of the last commercial flights from China to the US.

I have some other shit that I can share later (and I will!) but then I finally got a chance to post something. Keep in mind I have not posted in a while, so I logged in to expect nothing. 'Lo and behold, however, my shit has been lit up! Half of it is Russian, so I have to assume y'all hacked my shit. The other part I saw was that I got a TON from Hong Kong. I mean, metric FUCK TONNE from Hong Kong. Like, I knew y'all were locking down for the coronavirus, but surely you can find something better than reading old posts of mine.

With that said, THANK YOU! I am sorry everyone's country is getting fucked up. On a positive note, I heard that a lot of high-level government people may have been exposed. That's pretty sweet.

Baby Daddy 54: My Son Ate It

What man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.....

Have you ever had it where you want to write, and you have all the material, and you never get the time to write it? Literally the past month. I have been traveling more than I ever wanted. I have been working more than I ever wanted. And for the first time in a decent while (two months) I am finally writing again. For the record, I have started getting to the office at 5AM, which affords me time to get shit done. And for the record, a 19-hour day is not sustainable. I know this. I respect this. And I recognize that it is necessary for short sprints.

But that does not delve into the world of fatherhood. What does? My son. My son learned an important lesson.

For those that have not been keeping up, such as myself, my son is two years old. Actually, he is two and half years. And as any good two-year-old, my son loves to run, play, learn, and test limits. Last week, my son was playing with the idea of chewing things. In particular, my son decided to put small toys in his mouth.

While we don't have many toys that would be a choking hazard, we do have some that fit in his mouth. And as any good parent would, my wife and I work hard to keep our son from putting those toys in his mouth.

Enter: The Two-Year-Old

As I said, my son is an active two-year-old and like to test limits. You can tell when he is testing limits because he gets this gleam in his eye. He gets a smirk on his face, you know that he is thinking, "how serious are you, Baba?"

Well one day, I kept telling my son not to put the toys in his mouth. Of course, he kept doing so until I took the toy away. My son then found the next closest thing: a brown rock. I immediately said, "NO!" and lunged for my boy. He put the rock in his mouth, got a look of confusion, and immediately spat it out.

Now, I should probably share the fact that we were pet-sitting the week before, during which time the dog and cat started a turf-war. Imagine the Bloods and the Crips, but with pee-pee and poopoo.

I'm going to let you think about the situation a little bit longer......

There it is!

Yes, my son put a small piece of poopoo in his mouth. As it turns out -- despite my best efforts -- I had not completely cleaned the mess. I thought I had, but it turns out there was one area that I was not aware of. It was kinda like walking down the street and discovering a body in the alleyway.

Like any good parent/cop, I set up caution tape, cleaned up the scene of the crime, and waterboarded my son into a confession.

That's a lie. I washed his hands and mouth before cleaning the rest of the area.

Moral of the Story: My son ate shit, and I now have additional ammunition to wield against him during those angsty teenage years. Oh, and I think he is technically a casualty of the gang war.