Dreams of Glory

I've spent my entire day, trying to figure out what I would write and share with the world. I'm new to this whole thing, and I often like to minimize my digital footprint to being things of value, things of humor, or dinosaurs. On a personal note, I look forward to the day that I can ride a Velociraptor to work. It will be great. The wind in my hair, and free parking. "Two Hour Parking". Please. If there's a velociraptor in the parking space, I guarantee he's going to stay there. What are you going to do, tow it? No. He'll eat you. And then you become the fossil fuel. That's called irony. But I digress. I know that riding dinosaurs to work is at least a few years away. But soon.....

On the subject of riding ancient beasts, I have a recurring daydream of global domination. I would normally keep these plans hush-hush (shhh...) but I feel like this one is safe to share. My goal, if I were to ever have one, is to take over the world via endangered species. Imagine it: 

You're skating down the sidewalk, looking to stop by the local soda shop to get that can of pop, and suddenly you hear a rumble. Off in the distance, you see an army of camels charging toward you, in full chain mail. Suddenly, you realize that there are at least two to three Chimpanzees on each camel, wielding tridents! (I was going to go with the Bonobo, but they can't seem to keep it in their fur). What do you do? That's right, you do nothing. Why? Because it's a crime to kill endangered animals. Suddenly you would have PETA on your ass, the vegans would have peace riots, and everyone is eating tofu. And nobody wants that. So you stand there, and you watch as the Chimpamel units (Chimpanzee + Camel = Chimpamel) take over the local soda shop and drink all the cream soda. 

The camels leave, you go home, turn on the news, and you see that Chimpamels have taken over the White House. The military couldn't kill them, because the government didn't want to be responsible for making the camels go extinct. Trump is out, yelling for the camels to go back to Egypt, and Clinton is talking about being the chimpanzee equivalent of an abuela. A Chimpuela. There's only one problem, and that is that the monkeys and the camels can't articulate. They know sign language, but camel feet are awkward and they always end up mixing messages. I then would use Morse code to direct the Chimpamels to do my bidding. First order of business, build El Chubby's in TN. 

And really, that's what matters. Getting El Chubby's to open in E. TN.