Fuck you, Todd

I want to share a story of my friend. For the purpose of this story, I will call him Craig. Now understand that Craig is a great engineer. And like most engineers I know, he drinks. A lot. But that's okay. Craig is that friend that, when he drinks, he will buy shots for everyone. Then he turns into that slightly aggressive friend, that you don't know if he's going to punch you, or kiss you. After a while, Craig reaches the "fuckitall" stage, and he's open to doing anything.

Now as you might have guessed, Craig's body reflects his lifestyle. My wife loved it. She has a weird love for the jelly-belly. Every time she saw Craig, she would run up, rub his belly, and say, "Soft..." in an affectionate tone. That was until Craig decided to lose weight. He went into ketosis, which means negligible carbs. As a result, he has lost A LOT of weight. This did not set well with my wife. 

One night, a month ago, we were all hanging out at game-night. (Yes, we have a night dedicated to board games. Fuck you, don't judge. Drunk board games get intense.). We're at game night, and suddenly my wife turns to Craig and says, "Why?! Why would you get rid of your belly? Your belly has been with you for almost 30 years, and you get rid of it? Without your belly, you're not even Craig anymore......I'm going to call you 'Todd' now....are you happy?...".  After a lot of laughing, and a spilled drink or two, "Todd" hugged my wife and apologized. He said that the belly was going to continue going away.  My wife's response, "Fuck you, Todd.".