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Sunday, May 15, 2016

Helping my Wife

The other day, I was helping my wife with a lot of data manipulation and calculation. I don't mean to brag, but I got my Excel game on lock. I mean, if spreadsheet and data manipulation were related to pimping, then I would be everyone's pick for bottom bitch. And for those that don't know, the bottom bitch is the one that is the most reliable and is always the best, most loyal. Never mind that I just equated myself to being a prostitute. The point of the story, is that I know my Excel.

Anyway, I spent the entire day working on data and getting the data organized in a way that my wife could write it up. Towards the middle of the day, my wife starts playing pop music on her computer. No problem. I was 7 Years Old once, too. It was a good year. I got a toy for my birthday, I was happy. Anyway, we're working and listening to music. 

My wife is thanking me profusely for putting my skills towards helping her with her work. Next thing I know, I'm listening to a song about how this woman (the singer) has always had the Savior, and the Savior has always taken care of her. I turn to my wife and ask her if she sees the irony in playing a song about a Savior, while her Jewish husband is helping her with her project. I didn't know if I was supposed to start serving crackers and wine, or what. 


Anyway,  we laughed, changed the song, and kept working. It turns out that if you listen to YouTube pop music long enough, you get into some Spanish pop, and eventually run out of music. We just broke the YouTube, I guess. Towards the end, I finished the data and showed my wife what she now had to work with. She started showering me with gratitude. Next thing I know, my wife digs in her purse, pulls out approximately $900 dollars, and starts making it rain on my face....

I learned a lot about myself in that moment. One, I learned that my wife had $900. I didn't know that, so she's paying for date night next week. Two, I learned exactly why people become strippers and prostitutes. It feels great to have money thrown in your face. I mean, talk about a money shot. I wasn't even mad about the fact that I spent my day working on data, or the fact that I inadvertently carried out a Jewish stereotype. 

Moral of the story: if there is something you are willing to do, and it results in $900 being thrown in your face, make sure your wife pays for the next date night. 


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