The story that goes with our leg training was actually a bit dull. We had a lot of people checking us out in the yoga pants, which I expected. When you look that good, and show off that much of the merchandise, you have to expect some stares. We started with squats, and I worked to fix Ahmed's form. As I said before, you stand as though you're going to take a shit in the woods. You then suck in your gut, kick your ass back, sit until your hips are parallel with your knees, and then squeeze that ass as you stand up. There you go. Now there's no excuse for fucking it up.
Ahmed was still fucking it up. To be fair, I found out that his lower back was hurt in a car accident. After that, I told him to stop squatting and to focus on healing his back. That's why the leg-day story is dull; we did not have a full leg day. Instead, we just showed off the fact that we have no shame in our bodies. That's right, fuck you; our milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard. The post workout story, however, is far more enlightening
After the workout, Ahmed and I went to the grocery to get food for a cookout. This was the first time I was ever a passenger to Ahmed's driving. Now I would like to preface this by saying that I have ridden in a car in Israel. I know how chaotic they can drive in Israel. I did not realize, however, that this was a characteristic of the entire Middle East. Keep in mind that I also have a Chinese wife. And I know what you're going to say. "You can't talk about Asian drivers! That's racist!" First of all, my wife has a bumper sticker that says, "Caution: Asian Driver". So fuck you, yes I can. Second, Ahmed confirmed that he drives like everyone else in the Middle East. And third, you haven't ridden in the car with either of these drivers. I think a near-death experience gives me the right to talk about it however I damn well please.
When I ride in the car and my wife is driving, it's not too terrible. The biggest issue with my wife driving, and any other Chinese that have driven me around, is that there is an absent-minded aspect to it. My wife is very focused on driving, but not necessarily where she is going. As a result, she is prone to making last minute lane changes. The fortunate part is that she is typically driving a bit slower, so people have the time to see what is about to happen. The unfortunate part is that there may or may not be a car next to her, as she makes that lane change. Again, my wife is aware of these things and has approved these statements. And overall, this doesn't happen all that much.
Ahmed, on the other hand, will kill me. The man has a some sort of Subaru, six-speed sport car. And the man drives like a fucking lunatic. We are sitting at a light, with two cars in front of us, and everyone is turning right to get on the on-ramp for the highway. In the process of turning, Ahmed accelerates to 60 MPH in about 2 seconds, and then has to slam his brakes as he begins tailgating the minivan in front of us. By this time, we are only half-way onto the on-ramp. As soon as we get clear, Ahmed guns the engine and we accelerate to 75 MPH. I should probably include the fact that the speed limit is 55 MPH.
The man immediately starts to tailgate the car in front of us, sees an opening, and accelerates as he changes into the slow lane. When I say "an opening", I mean that he cut of a full-sized 18-wheeler semi truck, with only a foot of distance between bumpers. Also keep in mind that this car is small enough that we could have driven under the truck and still had clearance. Ahmed quickly exits off of the highway, and gets onto the the main city road. Everyone has that main city road. It's that one road that travels through every part of the city and typically has the highest speed limit, besides the highway. As we get onto this road, I start clenching my fist. Why? I'll tell you. Ahmed is accelerating on the main road, cuts one car off, and immediately cuts another car off as he is turning through the goddamn intersection. Next thing I know, this asshole is driving 65 MPH on a 40 MPH road.
I'm talking to Ahmed, and I tell him that he has likely passed me while driving, and I very likely called him a dick, asshole, and/or son-of-a-bitch. Ahmed just starts laughing and says, "As long as people respect the lanes, it's fine." We then went in to get the food, at which point the other store-goers began eyeballing our legs and asses. By the time it's done, we have all the food and Ahmed has turned a 20-30 minute commute into a 10 minute death ride.
And so there you have it. I have never feared for my life, as much as I did when Ahmed was driving. Keep in mind that this is coming from someone who had to go to the hospital for being stabbed.
Moral of the Story: While my wife is an Asian driver, and while Asian drivers have a bad stereotype, they are far better than a Middle Eastern driver. Also, Ahmed still can't squat for shit. Oh, and I may or may not have soiled my yoga pants and need a new pair.
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