Yesterday I posted twice. I was damned if I did, and damned if I didn't. I knew that women would not necessarily understand/appreciate the humor of the Awkward Sweat 2. I also knew that the Sumer Storms would be a short post. I could have combined the two, and I originally did, but then I realized that some people would not want to go from a humorous reflection on competitive storm driving, and switch into the subject of male genitalia. Some people might, but other's wouldn't. So there you go. Now, onto the story.
(How's that for a fucked up introduction?)
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The other day, my wife and I were talking on our group chat, and dear ol' Ahmed announced that he would arrive to Game Night. Now for those who don't know, Ahmed never comes to Game Night. I mean he does, but it's very rare. For the longest time he would show up, get schwasty-facedd, and have a terrible morning. Then he stopped coming. Now he's something of a Bigfoot legend. He shows up enough for people to say they saw him, but nobody really knows if it was real. On a related note, Ahmed looks like Bigfoot if he doesn't shave. Why? Because he is tall, dark, and hairy. That's a lie. Ahmed just looks like a Middle Eastern guy with a beard, when he doesn't shave. So you know, a terrorist. By TSA standards, that is. But I digress.
Ahmed says he is going to Game Night, and then messages me that the evening is going to be a Broga Night. Naturally I get my new yoga pants, which are black and purple and comfortable as fuck. I also put on a longer shirt, as the yoga pants do not hide the fact that I am Jewish. We get to the Game Night, and everyone is there having a great time. There was a new guy there, whose name I don't recall. He's talking to Ahmed and I, and he comments that he is working very hard to keep his eyes trained from the chest up. Ahmed says, "That's the fucking point. Men should get just as much attention as women." I tell the guy, "Hey, I'm not a piece of meat. My eyes are up here", indicating my face. I also do the pec-pop, just to make sure he keeps his attention focused. Because I am not a piece of meat. I am a man. I am a married man. And I should not be objectified. Perverts.
Anyway, we start playing the game, "Codenames". It's a fun game where you have 25 words in a grid, each of which are either red, blue, or neutral. There is one bomb card, that "kills" whoever picks it. One partner on each of two teams knows which words belong to which color. The goal is for that person to help their partner select the right color (blue or red). The trick is that you can only give a one word for the clue, and the number of cards it relates to. So if you have Moscow and Canada on the board, you can say "Location, 2". Then the partner selects those cards.
The fucked up part is that my wife are on a team against Ahmed and Todd. Now my wife and I figure it out, because we have a fucked up sense of humor. At one point, I saw the words "Car" and "Bomb". I was really hoping that those would be for the same team and someone would say "Jihad, 2". I mean, c'mon. That's fucking hilarious. I told that to Ahmed and he laughed his ass off. As it turned out, Ahmed and Todd were playing against my wife and I. Ahmed and I were guessing, while Todd and my wife gave the clues. Now Todd fucked up. He tried to turn the whole "Todd" name against me. What he did not realize is that it would earn him the name of Tod-d. That's right, the second "d" is no longer silent. Phonetically, his name is now "Tah-duh-duh.". In the process of this, we explained to Ahmed that Tod-d, formerly known as Todd, the artist previously known as Craig, earned his name by losing his belly. He earned the Tod-d name for trying to rebel. After Ahmed and Tod-d lost the game, it came out that Tod-d thought Czech Republic was located in Asia. Ahmed, upon finding this out, turned around and said, "Fuck you, Tod-d".
Moral of the Story: Czech Republic is in Europe, not Asia. And yoga pants are still incredibly comfortable.
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