Broga Pants: An Adventure with Ahmed

As you may recall, my wife and I are part of a large group of friends that get together for game night each week. And as you may recall, we have a particular friend named Ahmed. He's from the Middle East and is very passionate about everything. He also ate meatloaf out of Todd's bellybutton. Well the other day, everyone was talking in a group chat and Ahmed said, "Who wants to go get yoga pants with me?" I replied that I would  join him, but only if we could then do a leg workout.

Now here's my logic on that. Ahmed has strong-ass quads, but weak-ass legs. How is that possible? Because his squat forms sucks. How do you stop sucking at squats? Stand as though your going to shit in the woods. Then suck in your gut, kick your ass back, and sit down. Once your hips are parallel with your knees, squeeze your ass and stand back up. There you go, you just did a squat. 

My other logic for doing a leg workout was that leg-day is always a better workout when you have on tight fitting, awkward clothes. My favorite is actually to wear my under armour and a speedo, with a tight little tank top. Functionally, it allows me to have full range of motion. It also allows for me to make things very awkward, especially when I need a spotter.

So with this in mind, I met up with Ahmed to buy yoga pants. We went to Target, and soon discovered that they only sell yoga pants in the fitness area of the women's clothing dpartment. We also discovered that this section was near the women's fitting room. And so here we are, two guys, looking at women's yoga pants in the women's section of Target. As soon as we got to that area, we realized that we were out of our element. There are so many types of yoga pants! You have high waist, low waist, capri style, shorts, skirts, etc. They even have business style yoga pants. They fit like yoga pants, have pockets, and look classy as fuck.

With all of these options, Ahmed and I start trying to determine what pair we should get. As we started searching through, the deliberation got intense. "Do you think these will fit?" "I don't know, but look how much this pair stretches." "Should I get shorts or capris?" "Do you think these will kill my future kids?" "I don't know, but we'll be able to see that you're Jewish." "That's pair looks cool; see the pattern?"

While this is going on, women keep walking by and giving us incredulous looks. It was like they were a bunch of druggies tripping acid, and we were some sort of aliens that forgot to use the invisibility cloak on our ship. They knew they were seeing us, but they couldn't tell if we were real, or if they were really fucking high. 

In the end, we each get a pair, finish our respective errands, and go to our respective homes to try the pants on. Now I don't want to brag, but I got some damn sexy legs. Those pants made my quads look strong and made my ass look great. We posted the pictures to our Game Night chat group, and one person said I have a badonkadonk. I told them that I am not a piece of meat, but to keep on talking. At this point, I need to say that I am fortunate that my wife can appreciate my humor. I also need to say that I am fortunate that my wife likes the way my ass looks in yoga pants.

Ahmed posted his photo to the chat group and had a far less enthusiastic response. He's strong as hell, and has some big ass quads, but his ass is non-existent. The biggest comment from the group is that he needed to start training with me. I told Ahmed that I could help him get "Dat Ass". 

Moral of the Story: Yoga Pants are comfortable and I look damn great in them. If I were a woman, or if it were socially acceptable, I would wear yoga pants every day. Oh, and Ahmed needs to stop skipping leg-day.