Anyways, in spending time with Soup and Cheese, I was able to impart two memorable moments that neither had experienced before. The first one was to Soup. For the record, Soup is a tall motherfucker. I mean, the man is well over 6 foot tall. And he is lanky. He also wears the most stylish, artistic pants. They got silk birds and tress and shit and look fancy AF. Another small note about Soup. He is China Famous. By that, I mean he has well over 1 million followers on Chinese social media. He has nobody in the US really, but he is stupid popular in China. Soup is also very single. And as a result, Soup is something of a slut. I feel comfortable saying this, because he sleeps around. In talking to him about this, I mentioned that he might want to take a break from sleeping around. Diseases still exist, and nobody wants to catch the herp, clap, or AIDS. Why do I leap to those specific STDs? I don't know. All I know is that they do not sound fun.
In talking to Soup about this, I was telling him that he will not likely settle down if his first action is to bed every girl he meets. In elaborating I told him he could always get his satisfaction in different ways. Soup looked confused, and so I made the gesture for oral. (At this point I would like it to be noted that I would have added pictures to this part of the story, but an internet search for half the shit I am talking about results in a lot of explicit content. And this is not that type of blog...Perverts.)
Soup, in his innocence, had never seen that gesture, and immediately asked to see it again. After showing him, and awkwardly instructing him in how to do it, I changed topics and eventually ended the conversation.
Flash-forward to the next day, when I am driving Cheese around town. It should be noted that the air-conditioning in my car is not the best right now, so we both broke into That Awkward Sweat. Cheese is not as tall as Soup, and is not as slender. And so that sweat happened fast. On another note, Cheese is also China Famous. He has some 7 million followers? I didn't know who the hell he was, until I met my wife, but evidently he's big shit in China. That's neither here, nor there, but I felt that I should give him credit, if I give Soup credit.
Back to the story. I have a tendency to take certain hills fast, if I know what to expect at the other end. I do the same with certain turns. And when I do, I have a tendency to say "Weeeeee....". You know, like the commercial:
The first time I did this, Cheese's eyes got big. To be fair, that might have been because i also took my hands off the wheel when we hit the hills. Regardless, it was a fun time.
This brings me to the other day, after my wife got home from taking her friends to the airport. She starts talking to me, and tells me about how much her friends like me. I told her that I really appreciate them (they are awesome!). She then talks about how funny Soup is, and makes the gesture that I taught him. She asks if I know what it means, and I laugh, explaining that I taught that to Soup. My wife smiles and says, "I KNOW IT! He already has a dirty mind, you do not need to teach him anything!"
I say that I didn't think I taught Soup or Cheese anything. She then says, "Oh yeah? Then why did they start saying 'Weeeeeee!!!!!' when I was driving them to airport? Huh? Are you happy?!" Evidently my wife took a couple turns faster than she anticipated. After I finished laughing, I said that I was indeed happy. My wife then said, "Fuck you.", smiled, and kicked the cat.
Moral of the Story: I inadvertently influenced Chinese perspective of America. My wife uses the phrase "fuck you" as a term of endearment, and will lovingly kick her cat.
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