Negative Fucks

I have achieved a state of being where I typically give zero fucks. When I do give a fuck, it most likely is because it impacts my wife, or my family. As a result, I am very happy. Until I got my job, however, I did not realize how much I would enjoy a new stage in life.

I now give negative fucks.

That's right. Negative fucks. How do you do this? By giving so little fucks that other people start giving a fuck about how few fucks you give. And the best part? By giving negative fucks, I harvest energy and power from the fucks of others. It's called Fucktosynthesis. What happens is I will be at work, and realize that something i am going to do will likely piss someone off. What can I say, that is part of my job. And then, I smile. And then, I do that thing. And guess what? It pisses them off. And suddenly, something that I gave zero fucks about, has harvested the fucks from other people. And guess what? I start to smile a little more. I even chuckle. And as a result, I have utilized fucktosynthesis to gain entertainment. My wife says this makes me an asshole. She also says she likes it. (Insert winky face here).