That Awkward Sweat 2: Not Safe For Work

The other day, I was discussing that awkward sweat with my wife. She and I were talking, and came upon a subject that she did not know about. This happens to be one of the few times I am jealous of women. Now don't get me wrong, women are great. I believe that they are far stronger/tougher than men. And before the men start getting all hyped up on testosterone and rant, fuck you. If anyone argues against the toughness of women, I ask them how many men can shove a person out of them. We may be "tough", but we aren't that tough. No way in hell. And guess what? I don't want to be. Fuck that. I have zero desire to have that experience. And I am okay with that fact. But speaking of being a man, we have certain issues that women will never experience.

An issue, which is localized (I presume) to the male community, is the summer heat. Physically, a certain part of male anatomy will adjust itself to maintain a specific temperature. The idea is that the body wants to keep its swimmers in prime condition. You can't have them heatstroke, and you can't have them freeze. The problem is that it gets hot as shit in the summer. Next thing you know, young men are hanging like old men, and old men are tripping over themselves. How do you cope? You start hanging to the side. But because you're sweaty, you stick to your leg. Then, pending on the laundry detergent, it gets uncomfortable. You cannot readjust yourself, because it's considered inappropriate. You can try to sit down and hide the readjustment, but then you risk sitting on yourself. And suddenly you've crotch-shot yourself and people look at you as you roll on the floor in agony. So what do you do? You just walk around, uncomfortable. And for the people wondering, "why not 'sit on the fence'?" Because that results in an awkward moose-knuckle. And I may be cheap, but I don't give away the farm. That's a three shekel show.....pervert.

Moral of the Story: I prefer winter.

(Skip to 3:20 for a Moose-Knuckle comment. Watch the whole thing for a chuckle)