Why I am Not an MD

Have you ever noticed that seeing a physical wound causes different reactions for different people? Some people see it and they think they "ooh great, let me see!" Do you know what we call those people? Doctors and psychopaths. Ironically, both have a tendency to then poke it. The difference is that doctors poke the wound with some sort of medical equipment, while the others poke it with a stick. They may also be vampires. If you run into one of them, your fucked. Didn't realize that paper-cut was a mortal wound, did ya?

Then you have the people that cannot see anything gruesome. You know the ones. they see a drop of blood and either pass the fuck out, or immediately puke out an organ. They could be walking, you casually mention a splinter or a paper-cut, and pow! They hit the ground faster than a deadbeat dad avoiding an alimony collector. I don't know if that's a thing, but it is now. The guy is walking through the house, *ding-dong* and suddenly that asshole is on the ground, slithering around like the snake he is. Because I believe in gender equality, I will also say a deadbeat mom avoiding an alimony collector. Though have you ever noticed that you never hear of the deadbeat mom paying alimony? Normally a "deadbeat mom" runs out on the family or is a junkie. Or at least that's what Hollywood tells me. And Hollywood wouldn't lie, right?

Then there's the middle ground. I fall under this classification. If I see a wound, I'm not excited to poke it. And I do not pass out or get nauseated. No, my reaction is that my butt quivers. You know that sensation. When you uncontrollably clench your ass, and you aren't sure if you are going to have a violent bowel movement, or if you will never poo again. And just like that, the sensation is gone and you're on your way. I mean, it's not as drastic as passing-out, but do you really want to know that your doctor's butt is quivering, when they are treating a boo-boo? No. You want your doctor to have nerves of steel.

Moral of the Story: I am not a doctor. Also, if your doctor comes in with a stick, you may want to find a new doctor.