All right, all right, all right!! Time to update, today! I was going to post last night, but goddamn was it a long day. It should be noted that my wife is experiencing hormonal changes, nausea, and all around pregnancy things. Yesterday was the first time hearing, "This is your fault! You did this to me. I hate you." What did I do to warrant such a statements? Not a goddamn clue. In fact, at the time, I think I was mashing up an avocado? To be fair though, I did have a hand in the whole "we're having a baby thing".
Also, for those who don't already know, be ready for your baby-mama to cry over some random-ass shit. A good example is from the other night. My wife had taken her mother to Atlanta for her mother's birthday. They stayed at a hotel, where the manager had adopted a small cat. They had a lovely trip, and everything was fine. As she is telling me about the trip, however, my wife starts crying. I ask what happened, and she said "I will never get to see that small cat again..." I responded reassuringly, telling her we can always go back to the hotel and see the cat again. In my mind, however, I'm thinking "Wow.....time to strap in for this ride!"
The funny part, though, is that my wife is aware that she is hormonal. There was one day, recently, we got home around the same time. I had missed a meal or two, so my blood-sugar was low and my voice was subdued. I had spoken to my family, who heard my voice and assumed I was depressed over losing my job. I didn't lose my job, mind you, but that's how subdued I sounded. As we are sharing about our days, I related this bit of information to my wife, who had just finished another cry-session. She then said, "I feel bad for you. Your family is crazy. I'm pregnant, hormonal, and crazy. You don't even have a cat. You're fucked." She then followed this up with saying to hang on tight, because "the real crazy" was still to come.
And so there you go. That's the news on the baby-daddy front. You know, it's funny because I think back to all the TV shows that would have pregnancy on them. I think of
Everybody Loves Raymond,
Friends, etc. and I reflect on how I thought they exaggerated pregnancy. And you know what? I was wrong. Those shows are spot on. It is bat-shit crazy. With that said, I can't imagine what it is like for my wife. I'm exhausted trying to support her. I can't imagine trying to go through what she is. The other night, she was talking about all the work she had to do, and how she couldn't understand why she was so exhausted.
I told her to think of the Godzilla movies. Everyone knows them. Tokyo is there, all nice and happy, and then Godzilla comes and fucks everyone up. And what do the Tokyo people do? Not a goddamn thing. Why? Because it's motherfucking Godzilla! You can't fight that shit. All you can do is run and hide. You don't start dealing with the damage until Godzilla gets bored and takes another swim in the Pacific. At that point you look at the damage, say fuck it, and move to a different country that doesn't get fucked up by giant monsters. Right now, our unborn child is Godzilla, unleashing a hormonal havoc that will destroy Tokyo, aka my wife. I told her that the best she can do is rest up, and work when she has energy for it. My wife then looked down and said, "You hear that, baby? You're an asshole. Fuck you, baby." Of course, she was then overcome with the protective mother instinct and immediately retracted her statements, tell the baby how much she loved it.
Moral of the Story: My wife is hormonal as fuck, and carrying a baby Godzilla. Also, I really wish I had payed more attention to sitcoms. Oh, and my family isn't crazy. I mean, they are. But fuck you. Everyone's family is a little nuts. And if you think I'm wrong, then perhaps you should loosen your straight-jacket. That's right, I called you the crazy one. Suck it.
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