Megatron and Muhammad-d

SO! Another shout out goes to Russia. I don't understand it. I talk shit about them only contributing vodka and communism, and yet they are hitting up my blog fairly consistently. For the first time, I had more page hits from Russia, than the US. Step your shit up, America! You can't fight the Red Scare without getting a little pink! I have no idea what that even means. But it sounded good, right?

So the weekend was an interesting one. My wife is still battling morning sickness. And by that, I mean 24/7 sickness. She described pregnancy as, "It's like 9 months hungover, that end with pushing a human out. Except it's worse. Hang-over at least means I could have alcohol. Preggers sucks." She said this, of course, as she was running to the porcelain god. On a semi-related note, my wife is still keeping a sense of humor. The other day, she was semi-dancing, letting her arms sway back and forth. She then faked morning sickness, and started laughing. After asking her about it, my wife said she was pretending to be an octopus. She was laughing because octopuses use projectile ink as a weapon, much like she pretended with her morning sickness. Of course, in faking the morning sick, my wife became truly nauseated and had to run to the bathroom. She then ran back out, and continued her octopus dance. I also do not know if she is joking, or not, but my wife has repeatedly stated that she wants to puke on my face. I can't be certain, but I suspect there might be hostility over the fact that she has to deal with carrying the child and I do not. 

On a separate note, we have not named our kid yet. We want to wait for the gender, before we put too much effort into it. Imagine how fucked up it would be to come up with the perfect boy's name, and find out we are having a girl? And knowing us, we would not have a gender neutral name. I just don't see many girls named "Jack" or "David" or "Paul" or "Megatron". Though we have been talking about the fact that we may get the gender wrong. If we are expecting a daughter, and we end up with a son, we've decided to name the child Todd. Why? Because Tod-d fucks things up. He lost his belly, and thus lost the identity of Craig. Tod-d accidentally snorted Jack Daniel's. It is only fair that our child be named after him, should she turn out to be a he.

On a separate note, Ahmed has had his name changed. Through dialogue with our Game Night Friends, my wife and Ahmed were talking. And as you may recall, Ahmed does not have much regard for "boundaries". Why does this matter? Because my wife was talking about the weather. We are in for a hot spell, this summer, and my wife said that it is too hot to do much outside. In fact, she said that the only good this heat was for is throwing a ring in it. Yes, my wife made a Lord of The Rings reference. That's right, she's a bad-ass. Ahmed ruined the reference, however, when he referenced a cock-ring. For the sake of my mind's eye, I am assuming this was a joke. My wife's response, of course, was, "Why? Why do you tell me this? I cannot look at you the same anymore. You are a different person, now."

No, this is not what Ahmed meant. But again, fuck you. I am trying to prevent a terrible mental image. 

Because this was in a chat with all of our Game Night Friends, Tod-d immediately said that Ahmed needed a new name. My wife thought about it, and out of spite, gave Ahmed the name Muhammad. Why is this spiteful? Because Ahmed is a proud atheist and hates Islam. To compound the insult, Muhammad was then renamed to be Muhammad-d (pronounced: Moo-HA-Muh-duh-duh). 

Moral of the Story: Russia is kicking ass. My wife is an octopus that wants to puke in my face. And Muhammad-d is regretting his choice in disclosure. Oh, and I want to name our kid Megatron.