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Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Baby Daddy 5: Pokemon GO and Morning Sickness

So this is going to be more of a random-ass post than others are. Sometimes you know what you want to write, other times you don't. And sometimes you just want to talk about the random shit. First of all, I got Pokemon GO. I hate myself for it, but that game is addictive as hell. I got the game because of the augmented reality. You stare at your phone, which is patched into your camera, and then it overlays a Pokemon into the screen. And just like that, you got yourself an invisible Jigglypuff trying to pimp slap the shit out of you. Or in some cases, the Westboro Baptist Church:
Image result for pokemon go jigglypuff
Now why do I like the augmented reality aspect? Because I like to ponder the notion of the multiverse and the multiple planes of existence. The multiverse is the idea that there are an infinite number of realities, in which everyone is making an infinite combination of decisions. The multiple planes idea is that we live on a specific plane, but that there are other planes inhabiting the same space. Imagine a spiritual plane, where we can see the ghosts/spirits of people who've died or are yet to be born. Enter Pokemon GO, with the idea that you are suddenly able to bridge into that alternate plane of reality. Of course, Pokemon GO is a game that people created, but it feeds the imagination quite nicely.

I also like what Pokemon GO has done for people. There are people who haven't been outside of their parents' basement for 30 years, suddenly coming out into the sunlight. And how do I know? Because it's 95+ degrees outside (Fahrenheit), 70-90% humidity, and those fuckers are wearing long pants and all black clothes. They have hair down to the ass-crack and neck beards that rival colonial collars. And speaking as a man who has literally glowed in the dark, goddamn are those people white. I mean, shit. But you know what? They are finally outside and walking. Granted I almost hit a couple of them as they walked in the middle of the fucking road, but at least someone would have found the bodies. Otherwise, they could have died in the basement and been eaten by their cats. And nobody deserves to die and be eaten by a cat. Unless it's a large cat. Like a lion or a tiger. Then you've earned yourself an honorable, legendary death. But a house cat? Nope. Fuck. That.
Image result for pokemon go game  meme funny
On an unrelated note, I mentioned in another story that my wife has nearly constant nausea right now. She is adamant that she can get to a sink or toilet before puking. I know for a fact that the body will puke, regardless of where it is. As a result, I've strategically hidden bowls and buckets around the house. Every time she gets that look, I have a bowl in front of her. You would think I am doing it to be a loving and supportive husband, but no. I have the bowl for when she does not make it to a toilet or sink. Why? Because otherwise I will have to clean it up. And if I clean up after my wife is sick, then I will be sick. And suddenly I will have to clean up after the both of us. And that, my friends, will suck. On a side note, I plan to go to Costco this afternoon. I hear they have bowls/buckets in bulk. Daddy needs a new set of dishes. I don't even know what that fucking means.
Image result for pregnancy nausea meme
Moral of the Story: I get all of my cardio from chasing Pokemon and from chasing my wife around the house with a bowl. And I really have to question what I'm doing with my life, when I can honestly say that first part. Fuck it.

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