Russia and Brazil (Olympics)

So, my goal was one post a week. And that is still the goal. But HO-LY SHIT, Russia! First, I want to thank you for hitting this shit up more than the US. That's new, and rare. America, step your shit up! I also want to thank Germany, Netherlands, Ukraine, Brazil, and France for checking this shit out.

Now why do I say, "Holy Shit, Russia"? Because y'all are still fucking insane. As we all know, the Olympics are happening in Rio. Now I do not know if this is related or not, but evidently two Brazilians tried to car-jack a Russian diplomat. To be fair, Russia is claiming that it was not a government official. And if my government officials were this hardcore, I would want to keep it a secret, too. But why is this a commotion? Because the fucking diplomat killed the goddamn car-jacker. That's right. The car-jacker broke the driver window of an expensive-ass car, and told the guy to give it up. The Russian then used Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to take the man's gun and shoot him. Let that sink in. A Russian used a Brazilian combat system to disarm a Brazilian man, and shoot him. In the face. I don't know if it was in the face, but fuck it. IN. THE. FACE. I don't know which is more impressive. The Russian being hardcore as fuck, or the Brazilian sucking that much at his job.

Russian Diplomat Fucks Up Brazilian Car-Jacker

(No, the diplomat was not Putin. I just needed a picture of a Russian, and it was him or Stalin)

My wife told me this, and then shared a story of two Russians that broke into a nature park. Evidently they didn't want to pay for a $10 ticket. To be fair, that's 1,000 rubles. But the two Russians are walking around, and notice a bear following them. Now, most people see a bear, and they think "well shit. Guess I need to outrun my buddy, now. Bye, Boris!" Instead, the Russians assume that the bear is actually a security guard, in disguise. They then run up and start fighting the bear. That's right. Two Russians picked a fight with a motherfucking bear. And what's more? They won! They didn't even fucking know it was a real bear until they broke its snout and some of its teeth.

Imagine being the bear in that story. Walking along, "I smell a Kit-Kat. Hey! Y'all want to break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat Bar? Wait, why are y'all running at me? What the shit bro, did you just fucking punch me? Ow! I just wanted a candy bar! What the fuck is going on? You dick! You just broke my tooth! Fuck this, I'm out." *Thud* Russians land the knock-out punch. I don't know if that's how it actually happened, but that's how it happened in my mind.

Back to the Olympics. Russian didn't get to send any weightlifters to the Olympic games. If I'm a Russian weightlifter, I don't know if I would be pissed or happy. On the one hand, weightlifting is one of the only ways to be successful in Russia. It's like that, and illegal shit. Russian Weightlifters are like Japanese Sumo wrestlers. Except that sumo wrestlers eat a shit tonne and die young. Weightlifters, I assume, drink vodka and die bitter. On the other hand, the weightlifting team is probably happy that they are not going to contract a new form of Zika-AIDS. So I guess that's a plus?

So that's it. I just wanted to share that bit of news that I heard, and reiterate that Russians are fucking insane. I just look forward to seeing how many teams survive the Olympics. I feel like this is going to be a fucked up mixture of the Olympics and the Hunger Games. May the odds be forever in your favor.