Baby Daddy 8: Chinese Chicken Soup

You know, it is never a dull day when you have a pregnant wife. Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, I was telling my wife about my day. As I am getting ready to jump in bed, I see her lower lip start to pout. She warned me that she was having a hormonal swing, and then started balling her eyes out. I asked what was wrong, and she said she wanted chicken soup. Now, having broth and chicken in the house, I immediately jumped up to prepare some. At that point, my wife said, "No, I don't want white people chicken soup. I want good soup. From China."

Now, I did not realize that there were that many versions of chicken soup. I knew there were different brands, but it never occurred to me that the flavor would change to match the country/culture of origin. Unfortunately, I only know how to make white people chicken soup. I know Jewish style chicken soup, but that still constituted as being white people soup. I then did the next best thing. I learned how to ask my mother-in-law for her recipe to make chicken soup. 

Now this is where I made a critical calculation error. I did not account for the fact that she would give me the recipe and instructions in Chinese. Her response time was fantastic, but I literally had no idea what she was saying. I recognized the word "chicken", but that was it. My wife heard the message, and began laughing maniacally. My wife then messaged her mother, asking if she realized that I did not understand Chinese well enough to know what she said.

My mother-in-law then replied with, "Of course he doesn't know! He shouldn't be cooking anyway!". My wife's mother then told her, "You mother fucker, why are you making him cook? You know he can't cook well. Don't be lazy." Yes, that's right. My wife's mother called her a mother fucker, and insulted my cooking. And to be fair, I cannot cook authentic Chinese food. And to be fair, China has some colorful nicknames. My wife immediately burst out laughing, and was magically over her downswing.

Moral of the Story: I don't know how to cook Chinese Chicken Soup.