The "Oh Shit" Hug

I told you I would post!! What am I posting about though?! I don't know!! So fuck it, we are going to keep true to the blog name. First of all, I got hit in the head. That's right, you heard me. I was training Krav Maga, and the instructor "accidentally" punched me in the temple. Now I put quotations to suggest that the hit was not accidental, but I know it was. How do I know? Because he immediately gave me the "Oh Shit...." hug. You know that hug. It's the one you give when you accidentally knock the shit out of someone, and your first thought is "Oh Shit...". And what follows the ellipses?

(And yes, motherfucker, that "..." is called an ellipses. Just like the Oxford comma is the one that separates the precedes the word "and" in a list [x, y, and z]. And no, the Oxford comma is not optional. It clearly defines whether you are listing shit, or describing the first item in a list. {"I love my parents, Joseph and Mary." vs "I love my parents, Joseph, and Mary."}. And yes, I used multiple parenthetical statements within a parenthetical statement. Why? Because fuck you. That's why. Shut up, enjoy the punctuation, and keep reading. Also, who do you know with the parents of Joseph and Mary. Hint: A lot of people think he was an illegitimate child, which makes me wonder how pissed Joseph would have been. But I digress.)

Back to the "Oh Shit..." hug. That's the one that you give and you think "Oh Shit. Please don't kill me.", or "Oh Shit. Please don't die.", or "Oh Shit. Please don't sue me.", etc. And for those wondering, the first one is usually reserved for when someone fucks up with his/her respective partner, and they know that they are going to catch hell for it later. At that point, you skip going home, go to the store, buy that expensive shit that your partner has been eyeballing - you know what it is - and hope that the present will distract your partner from the hate that has formed in their heart, resulting from your fuck up. The "don't die" scenario comes from when you accidentally drop your child. And the "don't sue" scenario is when your Krav Maga instructor punches you in the side of the fucking head.

What was ironic about the instructor hitting me was that he was literally talking about how we were not going to actually hit each other. Being the good-natured asshole that I am, I then proceeded to guilt the fuck outta him. We got ready for a training/sparring exercise that I have started calling "Circle of Death". Basically you have everyone circle one person, and that person has to spar/defend against each person. When the instructor asked who wanted to take part, I flinched and said I was fine watching. After the class, the instructor came up and apologized again, profusely. I then left and went to Ahmed's place for a pumpkin carving and game night, and had a friend make sure that I didn't have a concussion. I do not have a concussion, by the way. To be fair, I've knocked the shit outta myself much more than that punch did. And to be fair, a full strength punch would have likely knocked me the fuck out.

Moral of the Story: I love Krav Maga and my head has a bruise.