HELLO!!! I am trying to keep up with everything, and have in turn neglected my stories. That's okay though. Why? Because I have this (!) story to share. Actually, it is a series of stories. Will it take a full post? Will it take ten posts? Who knows?! I know I don't!
SO as you may or may not know, I have been taking allergy shots. Why? Because allergies suck dick and I don't like them. As you may or may not also know, I work a metric fuck-tonne each day. Here's a schedule: 4 AM wake up, 5 AM workout, 7 AM work (balancing four jobs), 4 PM kiddo, 6 PM dinner for kiddo, 7 PM put kiddo to bed, 8 PM coaching/training, 9 PM shower, 10 PM cry myself to sleep, 11 PM go to bed.
Okay, I lied about the crying part. But the rest of the schedule is fairly well accurate. Doing this five days per week, and then adding in the extra shit that I do on weekends, I get fairly tired. Why do I mention this? Because I take 15 minute naps.
Now I know what you are thinking: "Why did he start with talking about allergy shots, and then break down his schedule."
Well, it's simple. After getting my shot, I typically have to wait 15 minutes. Why? To insure that I don't have a severe reaction and die. I even carry epinephrine, just in case. And guess what I like to do during that 15-minute wait? That's right, take a nap. Now why does that matter?
Last week, when I took the shot, I chose to sleep through my wait period. As I am pleasantly dozing, a nurse came up and touched my arm, asking if I was alright. I said I was fine, with a puzzled look on my face. She then explained that she wanted to make sure I was not having a reaction, and asked if they needed my epi-pen. I kindly smiled to the nurse and explained that I needed a nap. Evidently that was the wrong answer, because she walked off in a huff.
That was the kick-off to what would end up being an intense weekend. The next day, I hosted a webinar. It may surprise you to learn this, but I am a phenomenal reviewer/editor. What do I mean? I mean that I have gotten thousands of students into college, or gotten them scholarships. Last year, my students earned a combined total of over $7 million in scholarships. SO when it came time to do a webinar on essay writing, I was a natural choice.
As I got ready for the webinar, I set up my PowerPoint. The title discussed "Why College Essays Matter". One cocky little shit said, "Because colleges read them, duh! Who doesn't know that?! Stupid." I chuckled and explained that the webinar was to discuss why the essays matter, in context for the rest of the application, and that I would then be explaining how the student could keep from ruining their application. I was met with an apology.
I then proceeded to make sure the camera was shut off, and then swigged some coffee and shot some tequila. Yes, that's right, I had a drink. I honestly do not know the last time I gave a presentation without alcohol in my system. Does that make me an alcoholic? No. It DOES make me a relaxed speaker. And boy does tequila make me happy. I finished the webinar and it evidently did really well.
Moral of the Story: If you get an allergy shot, don't take a nap. Otherwise, you may wake up with a shot in your leg. Also, don't be a cocky little shit. Irony is that I will likely be the one reviewing that kid's essays, and I am likely to need tequila to get through those, too. Fucking teenagers.
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