Baby Daddy 48: Preschool

YAAAAAASSSSS!!! I know I keep saying I'll post more, and I keep posting once a month. What can I say, life's busy. Running companies, consulting for other companies, day jobs, and kids and shit gets in the way. With that said, I am STILL HERE!!!

I want to take a moment to shout out to my family up north, eh! Talking about Canada hitting my shit UP! I got to thank y'all, too! I don't know how I would feel about an American blog, if I was Canadian. That's a lie. I'd likely think it is a way to see if all the Americans are as fucked up as the Cheeto and Chief.

(I think this is fake, but it's hard to tell anymore...)

BUT!!! That's not why I am writing. I'm here to talk about the fact that my kid is in PRESCHOOL!!! That's right! He is 17-months old and already learning! Do you know what he did his first day? He played with markers, ate a fuck-tonne of toast, played with different blocks and toys, Of course, that was after he balled and screamed his head off at being abandoned by his parents.

What did my wife and I do? We poured a shot of tequila (Don Julio) and toasted the start of a new era! My son also chose to celebrate, by going poopoo four times. At the same time, he also waited until he got home -- you know, because we needed the reminder of who was boss.

Since my son has started preschool, however, he has evolved. Just this past week, my wife and I discovered that my son can now climb up any chair (and stools, soon) to get onto a table or counter. You can imagine our surprise when we were standing in the kitchen, noshing on some munchies, and look over to see our son -- standing on the dinning room table, with a mouth full of animal crackers.

I'm pretty sure my wife and I simultaneously said, "Oh....shit."

As I walked over, my son got a big grin on his face and raised his hand for a high five. You could tell he was proud as hell to be up there. I couldn't leave him hanging, of course, so I high fived my kid and put him on the ground. Since that time, we have learned that the only way to keep my son from climbing shit is to lay all the chairs down on their side. If you were to walk into our house right now, you would think someone broke in and had and tried to do a stupid-ass, fucked up little joke. Or that we were robbed. Well I assure you, nobody is stealing shit from us. Even if we had shit to steal, they could never find it in the mess. So the jokes on you, robber-man!!

Speaking of theft, my son is one. He also has a tendency to steal toys from the other kids. Now, when I asked about kids stealing from each other, I expected them to say that kids were stealing from my son. As soon as I heard that it was my son taking things, my first thoughts was, "Good, my son. Good. Make sure you let motherfuckers know." Can you imagine how hard it was to hide the grin on my face? Of course, my son isn't doing anything mean-spirited, and I have zero desire or tolerance for my son being a bully. But goddamn it I was proud that he didn't let the others take his shit. Beyond that, my son loves the school. The teacher says that his ability to express opinions at his age is fairly advanced.

Moral of the Story: My son is in preschool and I think it was the equivalent of giving an athlete steroids. He's advancing rapidly, and my wife and I are drinking our way through parenthood.