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Friday, April 26, 2019

Well That Was Racist....



Have you ever had it where you were talking, thinking or looking at something else, and then said the wrong thing? A lot of times it shows up as saying something and mixing up the wrong sounds of the word. "I missed the history lecture" turns into "I hissed the mystery lecture" and suddenly it all gets wonky.
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Another example is when you are trying to write the word "example" and you are talking to someone about the exact wording, and you accidentally write "Another exactly is when you are trying to write the word "example" and..."

While I usually do okay in speaking, and I usually do not have a significant issue with these types of mistakes, I occasionally have one that is really bad.

Enter Last Week:

As I was at work, I was meeting with my boss' boss. As we are talking, my boss walks by and has a perplexed look on his face. In an effort to be glib, I wanted to say that I was going to apply to be a school lawn mower. The reason for this is that lawn mowers at the local school earn more than $25/hour to mow a football field. That is a helluva deal! You slap that sumbitch in first gear (it's a riding mower) and you have yourself a $400 day of work. So what if I may die of allergies?
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Unfortunately, I had a few too many miscues.

First, I said, "I'm auditioning..." I don't know why I said that, but I did. That is not the bad part though.

I got all the way through, "I'm auditioning to be a lawn...." and then I started thinking about the football field. In that moment, I remember high school and the different social classes, and that football players were called "Jocks".
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And in that moment, I said, "I'm auditioning to be a lawn jock."
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As soon as I heard it come out, I thought, wait.......that's not right...........that's racist...........am I racist?.......I'm Jewish............do I hate Jews?..........I'm in an office with my boss and his boss........am I going to get fired?...........Well this took a nasty turn.......shit.
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And there you have it. Within a blink -- good book, by the way -- I ended up fucking up my words and sounding like a tremendous bigot. For the record, I am not racist and I do not hate Jews.

Moral of the Story: It is incredibly easy to fuck up what you are wanting to say, and incredibly unfortunate when you fuck it up in a way that makes you look bad. Also, I am writing this from the waiting room for Human Resources.
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